17 Jan Protecting Seniors from Relationship-Based Scams and Financial Exploitation

As more adults in their golden years explore new relationships—both online and in person—the risk of financial exploitation has increased. Scammers often target seniors seeking companionship, using emotional manipulation to gain trust and ultimately exploit their finances. This article outlines key red flags, practical safety tips, and essential financial and legal considerations to help protect your well-being and financial security.

There are a few common ways that scammers will approach and interact with you. The following are the most common red flags from the Scammers’ Playbook:

1. Avoidance of In-Person Meetings

Consistent excuses to avoid video calls (like FaceTime) or in-person meetings are a major warning sign. Scammers commonly use attractive profile photos, engage in frequent messaging, and avoid live communication. Exercise particular caution if someone insists on communicating through platforms like WhatsApp early in your communications. WhatsApp is often used for international text messaging and video calls – a sign the person you’re talking to isn’t local.

For example, a woman in her late 60s met someone through an online dating site who claimed to work overseas as an engineer. They messaged daily, and he was attentive, charming, and quick to express strong feelings. Every time she suggested a phone call or video chat, he had an excuse: poor internet, time zone issues, or security restrictions at work. A few months later, he asked for help covering unexpected business expenses. She declined and later discovered the profile had disappeared entirely. Scammers often create closeness without ever allowing true verification.

2. Love Bombing

Excessive flattery, intense affection, or early declarations of love can be tactics to fast-track trust and emotional dependence. Statements like “I’ve never felt this connection before,” “You are my soulmate,” or “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” appear very early, often before you have met in person or truly know each other.

They often frame urgency as love, such as “I need you now,” “We don’t need anyone else,” or “If you really cared, you’d help me,” especially when tied to secrecy or financial requests. If you slow things down or say no, they respond with disappointment, emotional withdrawal, or statements that make you feel responsible for their happiness.

A healthy relationship builds steadily, respects boundaries, and does not rely on pressure or emotional overload. Love bombing is not about affection itself, but about using affection to gain control. Be wary of anyone who tries to rush the emotional pace or put distance between you and your loved ones.

3. Requests for Money

Any request for money—whether for emergencies, travel, bills, or medical issues—is a serious red flag, especially if you have never met in person. Scammers often manufacture urgency to prevent you from thinking clearly.

It is often a financial emergency that appears suddenly. In one case, a recently widowed man began dating someone he met on social media. After several weeks of daily communication, she shared a story about a frozen bank account and asked him to send gift cards so she could “get through the week.” The amounts were small at first, which made the request feel reasonable. When he mentioned it to his daughter, she immediately recognized the pattern and helped him cut off contact. Fraud often starts with modest requests to test boundaries, and builds to a larger loss.

4. Inconsistent or Vague Profiles

Limited photos, overly polished descriptions, or poor grammar can signal a fraudulent identity. If someone’s pictures look too good to be true—such as resembling a celebrity—they likely are. If you see the same photo on multiple dating sites with different descriptions, it is likely a scammer.

A common example involves a man who connected with a woman whose profile featured only two photos, both professionally lit and clearly studio quality. Her description was vague but flawless, using generic phrases like “honest, loyal, and financially secure,” with very little personal detail. When he later searched one of her photos online, he found the same image attached to multiple profiles across different dating sites, each with a different name and background. In another case, a profile used polished language in the headline but the messages were riddled with odd grammar and phrasing that did not match the sophistication suggested by the profile. These inconsistencies often indicate stolen photos or scripted profiles and are strong signs that the person may not be who they claim to be.

Pro-tip: Screenshot or save the person’s photo and then upload it to Google for a reverse image search. This will help you discover other profiles using that photo.

5. Pressure to Share Personal Information

Be cautious of anyone who pushes for personal details early in a relationship, especially information that could be used for financial or identity fraud. Requests for your home address, full legal name, date of birth, employer, or details about your finances often appear under the guise of convenience, romance, or concern. In a healthy relationship, there is no urgency to exchange sensitive information before trust is established.

In your profiles, share your astrological sign instead of birthdate. Use only your first name or nick name. Say you live “In the East Bay” instead of naming your city.

For example, one woman in her early 70s began chatting with a man she met online who said he wanted to “send her a surprise gift.” He asked for her home address within the first week, insisting it was a romantic gesture. When she suggested waiting or using a public delivery option, he became irritated and accused her of not trusting him. In reality, scammers often use addresses to research property ownership, estimate net worth, or build a more convincing identity theft profile.

In another case, a man was asked detailed questions about his retirement accounts and monthly income under the pretense of “planning a future together.” The relationship was only a few weeks old, but the questions quickly escalated to account types, beneficiary structures, and insurance coverage. This information can later be used to manipulate someone into fraudulent investments or to impersonate them with financial institutions.

Some fraudsters also collect small pieces of information over time. Casual questions like where you went to school, your mother’s maiden name, or the name of your first pet may seem harmless, but together they can mirror answers to common security questions. Oversharing, even in small increments, can unintentionally expose you to identity theft.

A practical safeguard is to delay sharing sensitive details and to question why the information is needed. Legitimate partners will respect boundaries and understand the need for privacy. Pressure, guilt, or emotional manipulation in response to reasonable limits is a strong warning sign. Protecting your personal information is not a lack of trust, but a smart and necessary step in building a healthy relationship.

Safety Tips for Seniors Engaging in Relationships

• Use reputable dating platforms with safety features and reporting tools.
• Trust your instincts—if something feels off, step away. You are not required to be “nice” to anybody.
• Verify identities through live video calls before building trust.
• Avoid secrecy; share concerns with trusted friends, family members, or advisors.
  
  

Warning Signs of Financial Exploitation

Financial exploitation often begins subtly and escalates over time. Watch for the following indicators:

1. Unexplained Withdrawals or Transactions

Missing funds, unfamiliar transactions, or checks you don’t remember writing can indicate misuse of your accounts.

2. New or Overly Involved Relationships

A sudden bond with someone who quickly becomes involved in your financial life may be cause for concern. Predators often offer “help” with money matters, especially if finances were previously handled by a spouse.

3. Pressure to Make Financial Decisions

Urgency to sign documents, update wills, or transfer assets is a classic exploitation tactic. Legitimate financial decisions rarely require immediate action.

4. Uncharacteristic Generosity

If you find yourself giving large gifts, loans, or financial favors to someone new, pause and reflect. Exploitation often begins with small, seemingly innocent requests.

5. Reluctance to Discuss Finances

If you feel secretive or uneasy about your financial interactions with someone, trust that intuition. Conversely, if they are guarded about their own finances, consider it a warning sign.

6. Sudden Changes to Legal Documents

Unexpected revisions to your will, powers of attorney, or beneficiary designations should be taken seriously. For example, a client’s grandson discovered that his grandfather had changed the deed to make a housekeeper the payable-on-death beneficiary. Fortunately, the issue was caught in time and reversed because he called us.

What You Can Do to Protect Yourself

1. Monitor Your Accounts

Review bank and credit statements weekly or monthly. A personal “money day” can help you stay aware of your financial activity. Tools like www.monarchmoney.comcan make this process easier.

2. Protect Personal Information

Never share account numbers, passwords, or Social Security information with anyone you do not know and trust completely.

3. Involve Trusted Allies

Consider designating a trusted person—such as an adult child—to periodically review your accounts. Many clients also consult their financial planner when something unusual arises.

4. Consult Professionals Before Major Decisions

Before updating legal documents or making significant financial changes, meet with your financial planner, banker, or attorney. Your advisory team can help identify risks and ensure your wishes are honored.

Key Legal and Financial Topics to Discuss Before a Serious Relationship

1. Estate Planning

Update your will, trusts, and beneficiary designations early—ideally before you start dating—to ensure your intentions are clear, especially if you have children from previous relationships.

2. Prenuptial Agreements

Prenups can clarify expectations, protect individual assets, and avoid family conflict, particularly when either partner has substantial assets or an existing inheritance plan.

3. Social Security and Benefits

Marriage, divorce, and remarriage can affect Social Security benefits, pensions, and survivor benefits. A financial planner can help assess how your choices may impact these income sources.

4. Healthcare and Long-Term Care

Discuss future caregiving expectations, health histories, and care preferences. Long-term care insurance or hybrid policies may provide protection for both partners. These conversations can help prevent misunderstandings later and reduce the risk that one partner becomes an unintended caregiver or faces unexpected financial strain due to medical or long term care needs.

5. Tax Implications

Marriage can affect taxes, inheritance, and Medicaid eligibility. Understanding these implications upfront can prevent future confusion or unintended consequences.

Healthy Boundaries in New Relationships

Financial Boundaries

• Maintain some separate assets, especially when children or heirs are involved.
  
  
• Be transparent about financial expectations and limitations.
  
  
• Have open conversations early—talking about money is part of responsible partnership.
  
  

Living Arrangements

• Consider whether to maintain separate homes, cohabitate, or use a “Living Apart Together” arrangement.
  
  
• If combining households, protect your interests—for example, avoid selling your home unless you will be included on the title of the new shared residence.
  
  
• Discuss expectations around caregiving and long-term living preferences.
  
  

Family and Support Systems

• Schedule regular check-ins with family and trusted advisors to maintain balance and prevent isolation.
  
  
• Before moving in together or getting married, meet with your attorney, CPA, and financial planner to ensure your decisions align with your financial goals and personal protections.
  
  

A Final Thought

Anxiety and excitement can feel remarkably similar. Both activate your body’s alert system, increasing adrenaline and awareness. The difference lies in how you interpret those feelings. By reframing nervousness as anticipation, you can channel that energy into confidence and intentional action.

Building new connections can be joyful and fulfilling—just remember to stay aware, listen to your instincts, and keep your financial well-being protected.

Information is provided for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon in any manner as professional advice, or an endorsement of any practices, products, or services. There can be no guarantees or assurances that the views expressed here will be applicable for any particular facts or circumstances and should not be relied upon in any manner. You should consult your own advisers as to legal, business, tax, and other related matters concerning any investment.

The commentary in this post (including any related blog, podcasts, videos, and social media) reflects the personal opinions, viewpoints, and analyses of Angela Wright, an Investment Adviser Representative of Gemmer Asset Management LLC (“GAM”) and should not be regarded as the views of GAM, or a description of advisory services provided by GAM or performance returns of any GAM client.  References to securities or market-related performance data are for illustrative purposes only and do not constitute an investment recommendation or offer to provide investment advisory services. Charts and graphs provided within are for informational purposes solely and should not be relied upon when making any investment decision. Past performance is not indicative of future results. The content speaks only as of the date indicated. Any projections, estimates, forecasts, targets, prospects, and/or opinions expressed in these materials are subject to change without notice and may differ or be contrary to opinions expressed by others. 

The information presented herein may contain links to third party websites with which we have no affiliation. A link to any third-party website does not mean that we endorse it, or the quality or accuracy of the information presented on it.